The Scenario
You're a senior manager at a company and you've recently taken on a new supervisor, Sally. Sally has given two equally competent staff similar tasks, a deadline and some guidelines to assist. The staff, Christine and Fiona, are both experienced in their jobs and during the course of their work, they diligently check in with Sally to keep on track and appropriately ask for assistance.Hypothetically let's suppose supervisor Sally takes a different approach with each staff member.
Criticism
With Christine, Sally says things like "I don't like what you've done with this", "You could do better here" and sometimes even "I like this". Christine is polite, nods and with a seemingly confident "OK thanks!" returns to her office. She carries on with her work and seems at a glance to be stuck in thought over her work much of the time. You notice that she returns more often to Sally's office than Fiona does. Every time, Sally points out what she does and doesn't like about Christine's work, regarding both what she's done and how she's done it. Christine tries her utmost to deliver something favourable but is getting more and more confused about what that actually is. Eventually she ends up detesting Sally or they have an unpleasant confrontation which sets up other inharmonious dynamics with the rest of the staff. The quality of Christine's work is poor, the relationship between her, her colleagues and Sally is tarnished and you are faced with another workplace drama which you don't have time or energy for.For the sake of comparison, Sally works differently with Fiona. She's started by asking Fiona what she needs from her as a supervisor. "What's the best way for me to support your work?" she asks at Fiona's 'getting to know each other interview'. "What will I be doing when you are performing at your best?", "When you need assistance, how will you let me know that and what will I do to give you autonomy and constructive input?". Fiona is surprised at these questions and immediately her cogs are turning. She's energised by recalling her own best moments of performing and is simultaneously invited to talk about mutual responsibility, explicitly. Sally and Fiona are doing healthy contracting. They discover more about the administrative and professional aspects of their working relationship and perhaps even more importantly they set the tone for their psychological relationship. This is how they will maintain a healthy and energised working relationship.
Feedback
Like Christine, Fiona brings her work to supervisor Sally periodically and asks for input and assistance. Sally refers to the brief when assessing Fiona's work. She's ensured that the brief covers measurable output and objectives. She lets Fiona know that she likes what she's doing but more importantly makes sure to add the value she sees in the work. She always says why she likes what she does. Sally looks for the desired aspects of Fiona's work, using the brief as a benchmark. Fiona gains insight into what the desirable outcomes are and what she's doing to deliver them. She understands what her supervisor is looking for and is able to reproduce that time and time again.When Sally sees something she doesn't like or which doesn't fit the brief, she asks what Fiona's thinking was behind that particular aspect. She is curious, not critical. She asks Fiona to juxtapose the work against the brief and make her own mind up. She relates to Fiona in-line with their initial agreement of how they would be with each other, in so doing honouring the psychological relationship and respecting her staff. She believes in her subordinate's potential and maintains an I'm OK/You're OK relationship. This philosophy enables her to give feedback in an Adult to Adult fashion, rather than delivering criticism as a Controlling/Critical Parent would to a Child.
Why Feedback is a Win-Win Methodology
When we are treated psychologically as Adult (receiving evidence-based and contract-referenced feedback), we are enabled to deliver a sustainable output and are empowered to make decisions on our own- to work in autonomy under the leadership of another. When we are psychologically treated as Child (criticism) there are two likely reactions; we surrender the decision-making power to the other or we rebel against them. These reactions are in reality, disempowering to both the supervisor and the subordinate because neither of them are taking adequate responsibility for their own tasks. The supervisor inappropriately assumes some/all of the responsibility for the subordinate's tasks and the subordinate relinquishes some/all of their own responsibility. The ensuing relationship is likely to continue in this mode until adequate responsibility is given and assumed by the supervisor and subordinate respectively.The Reality
Due to our unique human psyche, we all experience degrees of conflict with responsibility being the underlying theme, whether it's in professional or personal relationships. This manifests in many different ways, just one of which is illustrated above. If you haven't encountered conflict in a professional or personal relationship yet, enjoy it while it lasts and pay attention to what's making it work so well.If we are to have productive relationships in our personal and professional lives, an alertness or awareness for when our natural 'gremlins' attempt to take over the show is invaluable. Acknowledging that there are issues, explicitly raising awareness to the impending or ongoing dynamic and being brave enough to engage in Adult to Adult conversation about a productive and desired future are valuable steps to getting relationships back on track.
This involves "unlearning" certain modes of thinking, feeling and behaviour; developing better-serving ones, experimenting with these and founding new ways of engaging with others, the world and naturally... ourselves.
